girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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