Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
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