I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Randomize
