The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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