He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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