Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Randomize
