ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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