meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
