Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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