My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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