it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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