Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
