We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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