We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
