That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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