I can tuck mytits in my pants
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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