Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
