I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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