Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
