Do vagina's smell?
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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