I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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