When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize