Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
