Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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