Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
