They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Randomize
