A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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