i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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