she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
