you guys were way drunker than both of me
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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