After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
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