Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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