peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Randomize
