Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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