The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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