Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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