Screwed.edu
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
