My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
