hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
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