Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
