Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
