Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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