what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
