There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
