Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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