This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
