Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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