Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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