I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
