i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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