things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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