you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
