I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
