Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
