so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
