Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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