Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I got her a Nickelback box set.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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