Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
