Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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