a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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