just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
