What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Randomize
