I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
